Chapter 6 : The journey Home

woman walking

The Journey Home. This is it, the day has come, and I am sat on the plane waiting for take-off and I feel… Ok.

I’ve had a few tears today with the various goodbyes, and shed a few tears over leaving Baby Boo. He is only nineteen months, and is the son of Penelope & George.  I’ve been living with them for a few months now, so Baby Boo has got to know me quite well.  He can’t quite say my name correctly, but there is no mistaking what he wants when he bangs on my door in the morning calling out.  On the tough days, he has been a ray of sunshine for me; he makes it impossible not to smile.  He melts the heart of everyone he meets, and mine was no exception.  He seems to have an idea that something is changing, children seem far more aware than we give them credit for.  He was quite tearful today, but also very generous with his hugs and kisses.  Thank you Baby Boo.

As strong as I am feeling, there is no stopping the tears.  I have to hold it together for one more day, but then, if I don’t tell them, I will be destroyed.  I could not imagine going back to face my friends, when they have given me unconditional support and prepared me for this ordeal over the previous few months.  They are all routing for me, have been consistently supportive, and not one of them has wavered.  I have to do this for them as much as me.

A part of me seems resigned to trusting fate.  It’s never let me down before.  When I have listened, things have worked out perfectly, but when I have ignored it, and made my own choices which are usually going against my intuition, it has not only gone wrong, but fate has inevitably stepped in, and eventually given me a kick up the backside in the right direction.  The biggest changes in my life have literally been out of my control.  My future is in the hands of the universe, I really hope it knows what it is doing.

I feel quite sad leaving Spain, I feel sad leaving my friends, but I know that they will still be there when I return, and we all know that I will be returning as a different person.  I hope they like the person I return as, and I hope my family can forgive me.

When I look to the future, I do see us moving on.  I don’t know how, but I do know that we will get there.  I’ve always been afraid of this, and don’t get me wrong, I still am, but I do now have faith in both myself and my family that we can get through this.  We will use humor and love, the way that we have always dealt with any trouble that we have faced.

I know that they have a lot to take in and deal with, but I know that they are strong enough and will support me.  They will, they have to, they just have to.

I don’t know if it is the tablets, the reinforcement from my friends, the big hug from my doctor wishing me luck before I came, my own strength, resignation to the fact that I am unable to do it alone, or a combination of all of the above, but I finally agree with my friends; It is all going to be OK.

“You need to see that life is not always perfect. We will not always get what we want.
And though it hurts a lot, what should have happened, happened.
Who should have left, left, and whatever’s thrown you off course will always bring you to where it is you need to be.”

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