Although every woman asked made it clear that she could never take a cheater back (they even give that whole “once a cheater…” spiel), it seems that actions speak much louder than words. Guys seem to get out of jail for free all too often in compare to women, more often than not, women tend to forgive cheating boyfriends and husbands in compare to the opposite sex.
The reasons why tend to vary, and even the degree of “forgiveness” tends to vary. But before we delve into what these reasons are, allow me to provide a loose definition of what cheating is for the sake of clarity.
what do I mean with cheating?
Although many people would quickly argue that cybersex and close friendships with the opposite sex constitute cheating, what I’m referring to in this article is sexual contact of any kind. From kissing and dry humping to oral sex and actual penetration, all things physically sexual count as acts of betrayal.
The exchange of bodily fluids from saliva to semen means that you’ve been getting down and dirty with another woman/man and none of this “I was in a different zip code so it doesn’t count” crud is going to fly. Cheating is cheating.
what kind of cheating?
There’s an ongoing debate as to which kind of cheating is worse, although I am of the opinion that all cheating is unforgivable. But both sex tend to separate cheating into degrees.
For instance, many women would be more willing to forgive a cheater who had a moment of weakness and engaged in a one-night stand than a significant other who had been pursuing another secret relationship on the side.
I guess the lack of emotional attachment of the former makes it somewhat easier to deal with than discovering that a man has been feeding us straight-out lies throughout the relationship.
Women used to forgive their husbands’ cheating.
Historically speaking, women used to forgive their husbands’ cheating ways more frequently for reasons other than love – many would even turn the other cheek. To start, wives were highly respected and thus didn’t normally engage in lustful, raw, animalistic sex, at least that’s the way their husbands saw it — so that’s what mistresses were for.
Second, because they were basically having sex for procreation, wives weren’t big fans of the act of sex. As well, leaving their husbands “simply” for cheating would leave them disgraced (especially since it was quietly acceptable for men to cheat) and because they were “tainted” and had “baggage,” marrying for a second time would be difficult if not impossible.
And because men were usually the sole breadwinners of a household, divorcing their husbands was virtually unheard of. Nowadays things are different… but perhaps not that different in that women still take their men back.
It’s a numbers game.
According to Dr. Bonnie Eaker, author of Adultery, The Forgivable Sin , eight out of ten marriages fall prey to some form of adultery (and it’s not just the guys who are cheating). And more than half of all marriages end in divorce.
Perhaps you’re a statistic and have fallen into the cheating game. But do you really think that your woman will turn the other cheek? Do you think that she’ll forgive you and let the issue go? Well, she might say that she forgives you, but her actions may lead you to believe otherwise.
Here are a few things a woman might do after she tells that she “forgives” her man:
She’ll throw it in your face.
Every time you do something wrong — you’re late, or you say the wrong thing — out comes the weapon… the “you cheated on me” weapon. From this point forward, she is a virtual saint because it was you who betrayed her .
She might want to know everything.
She might drill you with 50 questions about the affair and let it go. Then one night, in the middle of an intimate dinner, she might have a few more questions to ask. The point is that she might not let it go – ever.
She will taunt you!
All of a sudden Joe, Jim and John’s names seem to be popping up in every conversation you have with her. Suddenly there are hoards of men for her to take her pick from if she ever decides to get back at you.
She’ll interrogate you.
From this point forward, you’re going to have to check in all the time if you want to avoid a paranoid interrogation regarding your whereabouts. Oh and every time she catches you lying, you’re screwed, and not in the good way.
Because she thinks she has a “get out of jail free” card under her belt, she might just sleep with that cute guy in accounting just to have her fill of the grab bag and feel as though she hasn’t been taken for a fool.
She’ll make you jealous.
She may become more flirtatious around your friends so you might have to prepare yourself for a change in her attitude. The worst part is, if you make any negative comments about her behaviour, she’ll retort with, “at least I’m not screwing them.”
Forgive is just a word.
In short, she may say that she forgives you, but in reality you’ve given her ammunition to use against you. And in the end, your relationship will likely self-destruct. But behold, sometimes when women say that they forgive, they do actually mean it. But if she exhibits any of the aforementioned behaviour, her forgiveness comes with strings attached.
But it’s all relative. For many women, everything depends on who you’ve cheated with, what she meant to you, how many people know, whether you told her or she found out… there are many things to consider. But ultimately, cheating is not cool, for lack of a better word.
It’s a diseased world.
Although cheating has dropped significantly, it isn’t due to our underlying emphasis on the value of relationships, or the coveted commandment; it’s likely due to the spread of AIDS. Disease has changed the tune that most cheaters were singing, according to Dr. Tom Smith of the National Opinion Research Center.
And besides disease, I can’t tell you how many guys I’ve met that cheated on their women only to be forgiven and in turn, become extremely paranoid that their women would at some point give them the same bitter pill to swallow. Ultimately, they became so engrossed in delusions of their women’s infidelities that the relationship came to a screeching halt.
I tell everyone the same thing when it comes to their relationship: Before you decide to do anything, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and think to yourself…
“if she did this to me, would I be okay with it?”
And if you’re unable to see the other person’s side, then imagine this: Everything you’ve ever done to your partner (cheat, flirt, deceive), she has probably done to you. Now how you like them apples?